Friday, March 1, 2013

NSFW

On my drive back to Calgary on Wednesday I took the north route and stopped at the Husky station in Radium.  I needed stock up on road trip essentials like beef jerky and Red Bull as well go to the bathroom.  I walked into the bathroom and went to the urinal and on the wall above it is one of those adult novelty dispensers.  It sold an aphrodisiac, a condom *coughmikecough*, massage oil, and erotic photos with prices ranging from $1 to $2.  The fact that I'm writing about this means I obviously bought something from it.

 Totally erotic photos dude!

Since all the other items require a partner I went with the Sneak-A-Peek erotic photos that I can enjoy on my own.  I spent $2 on it even though I knew it was going to be a waste of money.


Made in India?  Isn't pornography like a sin against all five of India's main religions?  I like how it's sealed so people can't like you know, sneak a peek.


Instructions?  I don't need instructions, I already know how all this works.  It's time to sneak-a-peek.


That is it!  I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting, but this was not it.  I thought inside would be some crappy fold out picture or a miniature flip book you'd flip through and then the women strips off her clothes.  That would worth the $2.  I guess I should read the instructions then as I don't know how this all works.


After some long and hard furious rubbing [insert your own joke here] the end result was a big nothing.  I even covered my finger with fabric to help speed it up, and I almost got to see a nipple, but my finger got sore and when I stopped the bikini instantly reappeared.

Sexay
 
They are doing this all wrong.  The part that should be covered up is her face and we should be to see the "goods".  Am I right?!  I didn't pay $2 to look at her face!  Next time I buy something from a vending machine in a men's gas station bathroom I'll be more wary.  I guess I'll have to look at naked women the old fashioned way on a deck of erotic playing cards.

1 comment:

Cara said...

FYI: if your bathing suit has been on since 1987, it's incredibly hard to remove.